Where is Majesty in pain, grief and struggle?
In December I went through the most intense physical pain of my life and my lifeline to Majesty was the neighbor’s cat.
Typing this brings a flood of alligator tears, a break open point, a confirmation of access to my heart of hearts.
I’m so moved how Life looks after me when I cannot see the way through.
Feeling curious to learn more? Get comfy and read on.
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In mid-December I was in the worst physical pain that I have experienced during my 52-years on the planet. Yes, worse than childbirth, worse than bone breaks, and way more intense than the several times my low back went out.
My left sciatic nerve was sending piercing darts down my left leg.
I couldn’t get comfortable sitting or lying down.
No over-the-counter medications would touch it.
I was up pacing at all hours, beginning to be crazed by sleep deprivation and fear I might need medical help, and I didn’t have insurance in the state I was in.
I so wanted OUT of that relentless pain.
I did all the things: looked up and recited my Louise Hay affirmations; practiced tonglen—pulled the pain into my heart on my inhale, offered relief to all those suffering physical pain alongside me on the exhale; gave thanks for a source of help unknown already on its way…
I watched YouTube videos on relieving sciatica.
I could still walk though my body was off and stiff.
So I walked, a lot!
I was grateful, yet also worried walking might be making it worse.
Now rewind two weeks to early December.
Before the sciatica came on I’d had my first root nerve flare up since I was pregnant with my first son 21-years prior. Yes I had intense pain from that long word that starts with an h and ends with a d in US English, known as piles across the pond.
I discerned it was my body’s message to complete my current partnership and have a time of cultivating platonic intimacy with Life itself. This is a big topic that I won’t go into now.
Of course this was both physically and emotionally painful since I’d been for the most part living on my partner’s land for over two-and-a-half years and had no idea how he’d respond to my sudden shift to the friend zone. Not to mention I’d chosen to hit pause on clients and courses so also had no income.
I hoped the physical pain would stop once I had the direct conversation about the underlying message with my partner.
Nope!
My partner, now friend, took it pretty well, though we are still working it out.
But my body was still inflamed and firing nerve pain from my root, then the sciatica hit.
Didn’t this story begin with a conversation about Majesty coming through a cat?
Mr. Meow was my most steadfast companion and friend through the six weeks of nerve pain. He’d appear at my back sliding glass door exactly when I needed him most: At 3AM when I was pacing in the candlelight, in the middle of a torrential rain and wind storm, or just when I thought I could not carry on trusting my body was in a healing crisis and would recover.
No matter how much pain I was in—here come my alligator tears of gratitude again—Mr. Meow’s presence lifted my spirits.
Every visit started with Paw Spa.
“Come on Mister,” I’d coo. “Time for Paw Spa.”
He’d come sit on my lap as I rubbed his muddy paws clean with a warm wet washcloth, next we’d have purry petty time up on my bathroom sink and I’d leave the cold water trickling so he could have a drink, then he’d settle in for a nap and I’d return to tending my body.
His other humans and I send texts to each other.
He helped them when they were grieving the loss of their two dogs.
Since I’ve been away—yet another whole story of its own—they’ve texted twice, once to offer an overnight with him while they were out of town and a second time to reassure me they’d taken him to the vet after he dragged a bird half his size into their home through his cat door and got his front left paw beat up before completing his hunt. They didn’t want me to worry if I noticed his wounds.
All of this drips with Majesty.
The Majesty of a cat being at once wild and a healing companion to his human friends.
The Majesty of humans communing in our love while also expressing our needs and boundaries around our relationship with this special furry friend.
The Majesty of having an all hours companion who always brought a smile to my face when he appeared at my door, even on the nights when I couldn’t let him in out of courtesy to my agreements with his other humans that we not have overnights unless they are away.
Slowly slowly with help from a great body mechanic and nutritional expert, ice, epsom salt baths, a tennis ball to roll under the left hip, new supplements and the kindness of many many friends checking in on me most especially my former partner, my body healed and I am now pain free.
Wow am I awake to the honor of being able to sit to drive, write, read or watch a great movie again. And even more to sleeping comfortably and deeply.
I’d be honored to hear how you’ve been met by Majesty in times of great grief, pain or despair.
With all my love and purrs, Karyn
